About Me & Heart Coaching

Dave Milford

Dave Milford

About Me

At a good friend’s wedding rehearsal dinner, we were all asked to describe the work we’ve done in our lives. I said something like: “I’ve been a trial attorney, an education consultant, a law professor, a writer, a teacher trainer, a missionary and a life coach.” My friend’s cousin replied, “So, you couldn’t hold down a job, eh?”

Over 3,000 people have attended my workshops and seminars.

I went to China to spend time with God. He’s there.

What was my wife’s favorite gift I gave her for our 20th wedding anniversary? I finally admitted that I am stubborn.

For two years, I wrote a daily column in English for a Hong Kong newspaper published in Chinese. I still don’t know if anyone read what I wrote.

I know a lot about the mistakes and messes people make in their lives. I’ve made most of them.

I have a conceptual memory. I think in concepts and ideas. I don’t remember details. Today I bought a computer and when asked for my address I had to look at my driver’s license. God keeps me humble.

I’ve flown upside down in a fighter jet over the Gulf of Mexico.

Sometimes God shows me how He sees people. They always look better than I thought they did.

I never met a cheesecake I didn’t like.

For over two years, I was coached by one of the best Christian coaches on the planet, master coach Tony Stoltzfus. I learned more being coached than through many hours of coaching training workshops and seminars. I believe you will too.

The Chinese say you aren’t a real man until you’ve climbed the Great Wall of China. I’m a real man.

My life calling is to be real and to help others to be and live from their true identity. I’m passionate about being and living real. I’m good at it. God makes me good at it.

My Kingdom Assignment

My kingdom assignment is to launch, train, and coach spiritual fathers and leaders in the paths and processes:

1. to know the real nature of God.
(as a loving Father, completely dedicated to his human children and desiring to have deep, personal, experiential relationship with them on this earth and forever after.)

2. to discover and live out their true identity.
(as dearly loved sons and daughters of God, for whom God has great hopes and dreams).

3. to take responsibility for their own lives and development.

4. to pursue a life of heart connection and authentic relationship:

  • with God,
  • with themselves,
  • with God’s family (the church),
  • and other people whom God places in their daily lives to influence for Jesus.

5. to embrace and live out the specific calling, plans and destiny God has for each of them.

  • “Being” – being with God
  • “Becoming” – being transformed to be like Jesus.
  • “Doing” – from that new identity, co-laboring and collaborating with God to do the works Jesus did – and more.

About Coaching the Heart

My coaching practice is limited to two groups of people: Spiritual Fathers & Mothers and Heroes.

1. I coach spiritual fathers and mothers. My heart really goes out to you who with an amazing amount of grace and love: rescue, restore and release God’s children to fulfill the purposes of their lives.  Spiritual fathers and mothers, the world needs you.  And I want to empower you to be and do all that God has for you.

There are a lot of people around who can’t wait to tell you what you’ve done wrong, but there aren’t many fathers willing to take the time and effort to help you grow up. 1 Corinthians 4:15 (MSG)

2. I coach those who wholeheartedly seek God: His Heroes. I invest in those who want to fulfill their “being” and “doing” calling. I spent over 15 years in Beijing, Guangzhou, Tianjin, and Hong Kong, China working with some of God’s amazing heroes. You who live wholeheartedly for God humble me and it is an honor to coach you to success.

The godly people in the land are my true heroes! I take pleasure in them!  Psalm 16:3 (NLT)

Over 30 Years Empowering Personal Growth and Change
For over three decades, I have worked with people to help them change their lives. I’ve been an advocate (trial attorney), a teacher trainer, a university professor, a missionary and a life coach. I’ve learned a lot about personal change and that most of us aren’t very good at it.

A Powerful Process of Personal Change
Coaching is a powerful process of personal change. Unlike teaching or training it doesn’t begin with knowledge or standards of achievement; it begins with you. Coaching meets you where you are. You discover what you need to make and sustain the changes you desire in your life. And you learn how to break the journey into steps and processes that you can walk out day by day.

Coaching is Powerful Because It Is Personal
The coaching relationship is especially effective because you develop an awareness of your own thoughts and begin to see your thinking processes. You take responsibility for your life and your actions. You learn how to reframe your thinking – to see other options, other perspectives. You learn how to make goals and walk out a process for taking action steps, measuring your progress, overcoming obstacles, and adjusting the whole process to keep yourself on track. All of this is done in an honoring relationship where you make the decisions and are held gently accountable by your coach.

See: 5 Steps to a Better, Happier, More Meaningful Life through Coaching

Is Coaching the Heart Different from Traditional Coaching?
Yes, it is. Traditional coaching deals with the mind and tries to empower personal change through change strategies, reasoning, and discipline. This is the model for secular coaching and often doesn’t involve God at all.

Heart Coaching recognizes that we have deep desires that drive us. Trying to overcome desires with self-discipline is like trying to fight the tide with a bucket. It’s a lot of work, but in the end the desires usually win. (Think dieting.)

Heart Coaching recognizes that God placed core desires in us. They are good and drive us toward God. The problem arises when we believe these desires have not or will not be met by God. We then think and do things to protect ourselves (from the pain of unmet desire) or try to fill these desires ourselves – often in ways that harm us or others. We often aren’t even aware of these powerful forces that derail our lives.

In Heart Coaching we invite God to reveal those desires and to meet them. As God reveals and heals we become free from false beliefs and ungodly desires. We then walk this out using the practical steps used in most types of coaching.

Heart Coaching goes to the root of the problem and is amazingly effective in dealing with problems people have had all their lives. It’s not so amazing when you realize that God is doing it!!

There are a thousand striking at the branches of evil to one who is striking at the root. Henry David Thoreau

See: I was Running in Mud.  My Coach Pulled Me Out.

7 Reasons Why Heart Coaching May Be The Best Thing You’ll Ever Do

The Invitation: Transforming the Heart through Desire Fulfilled   Tony Stoltzfus’s book that explains why this works a video on this page demonstrates someone being coached using this method.

Who should consider being coached?

  • Do you need perspective or insight to accelerate your growth or achieve your goals quicker?
  • Are you stuck in any area of your life, not making much progress?
  • Are you struggling with character or spiritual growth issues?  Can’t seem to break through?
  • Are you at a difficult time in your life and can’t see a way out?
  • Do you want to know for sure what the next stage of your life calling is?
  • Do you have a pattern of relationship problems that you don’t understand or can’t break out of?
  • You just believe there is more to life than what you are now experiencing.  You have deep desires (e.g. significance, acceptance, worth, peace, recognition, joy, approval) that are not satisfied and are negatively affecting your thoughts, actions or relationships.
  • Do you keep doing things you don’t want to do or don’t do the things you really want to?  (Paul wasn’t the only one who struggles with this!)

See for yourself how powerful coaching is – for free.

Write a message briefly describing who you are and why you want to be coached. I will respond. If I am not fully booked, I will schedule a free 45-minute trial coaching session for you.

There is no charge for the trial session and absolutely no obligation. At the end of the session, we mutually decide to go forward with a coaching relationship or not. The trial coaching session is my investment in you.

Request a Free Coaching Session.